Thursday, May 28, 2015

Spiritual Warfare at its finest.

I have not used this blog in nearly a year.. but so much has happened this week, I thought I would write it down here to get everyone up to date.

For the last two weeks, the girls have been battling a super virus.  For one or two days they would be fine, then the next day they would throw up, etc.  This past Sunday, Aliza was her hyper, normal self, we thought we had finally beaten the bug.  Until Monday came around.  Memorial day morning, Aliza came into our room to tell us she threw up.  We put her in the tub to clean her up where she started to complain that the water was too loud, and the lights were hurting her eyes.  Daddy pulled her out and laid her on our bed, where she passed out and we watched her slowly turn yellow and her lips shrivel up.  It was then we decided to take her to the emergency room at the children's hospital.

That is when my whole world slowed down.

After hours of trying to get her to drink fluid so she would urinate, the doctors decided to do some blood work and start her on an I.V.  We assumed that Aliza would be let go later that afternoon.  We were wrong.  One of the doctors walked back into the room and announced that Aliza was not going anywhere and needed to stay the night.  She was so dehydrated she was acidotic, and had urine and waste backing up in her blood stream and system.  Aliza was starting to have heart murmurs.  The doctor advised us, that if they did not get her to urinate soon, the next step would be organ failure due to how dehydrated she was. 

Possible Organ failure.  Three weeks after her fourth birthday.  How was that even possible?  She had shown no signs in the days prior.  My poor angel face could not even stay awake due to all of the toxins in her little body...

My world came crashing down as I realized my four year old was just thrown into a moment where she had to fight for her life.  Just like that.  With no warning.  It still devastates me to say that, even now.

Finally.. after bags of fluid... Aliza urinated!!!  Several hours later.. she did it again!  And again!  Praise God!  We were out of the danger zone.  Her color finally came back, and she passed out and slept through the night.

After more blood work to confirm Aliza was in the clear, the doctors announced that she was safe.  One moment later, she was fine.  At that moment, I was very aware that God gives and takes away at his will.  It was a very powerful moment for me.  Thank you to all the prayer warriors that were up all night praying for my angel face.  In the span of two days... we saw death, then we were given life again.

Our next steps:  We are still waiting on two more tests to see why this happened to Aliza.  She has been cleared to continue on with life as normal.. as long as she carries her water bottle around with her.  Four different doctors have encouraged Karl and I to continue on with our trip as normal, that we should not worry about Aliza getting so sick again.  As her mother, I still worry, but medically, she is safe and sound.

Pray that this mamas heart recovers, and that I can trust the grandparents to take good care of the girls while Karl and I are gone.

Praise God for his grace and mercy he has poured out on us.  We have made it through this battle that the devil was trying to hold us back from our calling by going to India.  We leave this Monday.

Here are a handful of pictures of Aliza in the hospital.  After she started getting well again, she loved all the attention she received.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

She wore what!??!

This is a topic that has been getting me more and more fired up.  Modesty.  Mostly modesty in women.  Who cares about men being modest, because after all, especially in Christian bubbles, modesty is solely a woman's issue.  In a world where MAN has made WOMAN a sex symbol for thousands of years, women are the ones who are condemned and shamed for what they wear and how they wear it... even if MAN tells them it is ok at first.. then turns around and calls that woman a whore.

In our little modern Christian bubbles today, why is this topic still left at women being at fault?  'Woman, cover yourselves because you will cause man to stumble.'  'Don't wear yoga pants, because you will cause my mind to falter.' 'Woman, don't wear those heels so high, because I feel like they are too sexy.'

What about the men walking around topless because they felt too hot?  What about the wanna be hipster youth pastor who is wearing his jeans sooo tight that his junk is screaming: LOOK AT ME!!  Or how about the senior pastor who decides to wear a white button up top, with no undershirt to church that Sunday and you can clearly see his nipples when he stands on stage because of the lights shining behind him?

The bible clearly states that each person is responsible for his or her own thoughts and actions.  GUARD your hearts and your minds brother and sisters.  It also states that Gods peace is here to help you (Philippians 4:7)!  Do not rely on women or men to keep themselves covered from head to toe to keep yourself mentally clean.  At the same time... brothers and sisters,  the bible also states that we should help each other out and don't cause each other to stumble (1 Corinthians 8:9).  That goes for BOTH sexes.  Women, help a brother out and cover up your boobs and keep your girly bits covered.  MEN quit wearing your pants so tight that you are cutting off your chances for having children in the future.  You too are a sex symbol when you think its ok to take off your top anytime you feel like it, if the weather permits.  MEN, you also cause a weaker women to stumble when you are not dressing or behaving modestly.

Men and women, BE MODEST.  This is not a topic that men can berate women about, men, you are responsible for yourself, and how you dress as well. If you feel an individual is dressing inappropriately, personally speak with them.  If some one is a new believer, guide them with LOVE and wisdom until Christ speaks to their hearts, and through Christ they will change.  I beg you fellow Christians to drop the double standards and practice LOVE when you need to correct someone in their modesty.  Show them biblical references in LOVE, do not just use your own words.  Modesty is relative in the since that each person is in a different place of their journey.  Our God is a big God and will speak to each individual with love when it is time for them to change their outside appearance to match their heart inside.

Let me end with this:
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I
have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I am 'That' mom.

There I was, sitting in the car wash killing the minutes, drinking my coffee, with no plans to go home.  I was just wasting time.  My only plans were to drive around or sit in empty parking lots for as long as I had to.  I hate to admit this, because I used to think it was so silly when I heard stories of other mothers doing this.  But I was desperate, and my stubborn pride was tossed out the car window. 

I had sleeping baby in the back seat, and there was no way I was going to wake her up.  Gosh darn it all!  I just needed a moment of peace and quiet!!!

You would think that my now eleven month old would be sleeping through the night already... But, not my child.  Not my sweet precious angel faced child.  Her big sister was playing at a friends house, I was planning on just dropping off child #1 and going straight home with child #2 to get some cleaning done.  Then it happened.  That sweet squishy faced baby who screamed all night long, who screams whenever I leave the room, who screams every time her daddy puts her down... she fell asleep.. and it was completely silent.  I could finally breathe.

So there you have it: I am 'that' mom.  I have became the mother that I had made fun of in the past. 

My perfect ideal life would be, that I would have kids and their lives would revolve around mine, not take over my life.  Some people might be able to pull that off... but during that moment as I sat in the car wash a light bulb turned on.  These so called crazy mothers were just trying to survive!  Through all the craziness being a mother brings, you just have to steal that moment of peaceful silence whenever and where ever you can grab it!  Whether that means leaving your sleeping toddler on the couch sometimes instead of carrying them to their bed... or staying in your car an extra forty-five minutes because your baby fell asleep in the back seat.

I learned a valuable lesson that day as I sat in the car wash drinking my coffee with a sleeping baby in the back...  I learned that I judge too much.  Mama's we are all going through this together!  We should encourage one another.. because we are all longing for that moment of peaceful silence..  So instead of telling that mama who drives around in her car to help her baby sleep she is silly... Lift her up and acknowledge that she is doing the best she can!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Another first!

Last week baby number two who is now getting close to eight months said her first set of words!  She has been saying dadadada for a while now, but I personal don't think baby babble counts.  Now if she was saying, mamamama, I might have said otherwise!

She was sitting in her high chair wanting to get down, the hubby and I have been lazily trying to teach her baby sign language, mostly because she likes to yell a lot until she gets what she wants... We were hoping it would help her become a little more.. Calm? Peaceful? Quiet??? The hubs and I were both trying to teach her the all done hand signal.  Baby number one picked up on sign language pretty quickly, so we were assuming it would be the same this time, not really paying any attention to the fact that every baby is different!

What she did next shocked us both!  As we were ridiculously trying to get her to mimic our hand signals, she yelled, "ALL DONE!!!!" As loud as she could at the top of her lungs!  Whoa!  I got the point... She needed down right away and couldn't bother with silly grown up games...

All done is a lot different than baby number ones first set of words: I love you!  I am constantly amazed over the fact that these little baby humans that were put in my care are so gosh darn different!  All rules were thrown out the window... We have to start from scratch with each child.  No wonder my brain cannot keep up!

Gods sense of beauty and humor never ceases to amaze me. :)

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Please just take it away...

There are a few things I struggle with in life. I like to think I have things together, or at least, I like to make the rest of the world think so... But today I am sharing a secret.  This is something I am ashamed of, and something that I get so embarrassed about.  Whenever I share this secret with people, I get the same response almost every time... Shock.

I first have to tell you, I am not sharing this for your entertainment, or for a feel good in the end story.  I am sharing this so I can better myself and learn to work through this secret and let go of it once and for all!  For the sake of my sanity.. For the health of my family..

So.. Here is me being vulnerable... Naked and laying out for the whole world to see... Giving complete strangers.. Or those who claim to love me... the option to pull the trigger... 

I yell.  Sometimes I scream. Once in a while I throw things.  I have an anger problem that occasionally gets out of control, to the point that I don't even know how to reel it back in.  I have had this problem most of my life (I went to counseling in 5th grade for my anger!)  Rage is a problem, an awful secret that I have kept.. Forever.  My family has seen it. My husband has experienced it... My poor babies have witnessed it.. (I would like to stick a disclaimer in here about my babies: I know I have a problem, so I have decided from the beginning to never take my anger out on them, or rage against them. With lots of accountability and integrity, I have been keeping true to that promise).

This is a generational curse that has plegged my family for ages and ages!  It stops here and now with me! I will no longer loose control... Because it hurts my family... and it hurts my heart.

Recently, I was away on a mini retreat with a few ladies that are near and dear to my soul.  I have never experienced such sweetness in freedom like I have with these ladies before... God has blessed my heart!  I was talking to one if these precious ladies, and trying to encourage her, when I realized that what I was saying hit me in the face and through me on my comfy behind!  Why?  Because I did not believe that this truth could hold up in my own life!

Here is what I said (or something similar.. I've elaborated a little more the more I've thought about it):

If you do not believe that Jesus can change your attitude, your heart, your soul, then you do not believe that he is sitting on the thrown in heaven above!  He is KING and he wants us to experience the sweetness and tenderness in life through his grace and love!

For example... Let's look at ME.  I have an anger problem.  If I do not believe that Jesus can change my heart and take this awful burden off my shoulders.. Then do I really believe his love and greatness is meant for me???  "Well, that's just the way I am.  I told you I had this problem, so you just have to deal with it."  "I told you I am mean in the mornings, and there isn't anything I can do about it, it's the way I've always been."  "I have road rage and yell at bad drivers, I can't help it, bad driving just brings that side out in me!"  "The more comfortable I get with a person, the ruder I get to them, because that's how I show my love, I'm mean to you..."

We have all been there, and we have all said those things, or similar.  The purpose of Jesus is to change your life, to make you more like HIM!  If you are constantly taking your anger out on those you love because they are the 'closest' to you, then you missed the whole point of becoming more 'Christ like.'

Because I know Jesus sits at the right hand of God in heaven above.. I KNOW I can beat this awful anger problem of mine... Because he promised me I wouldn't have to live in this yucky sin forever-he has already taken it away from me!  It is ME who continues to hold onto it.

Since beginning this long and hard journey.. I have been able to start recognizing what my 'triggers' are, and to catch myself before I explode... Or if I do explode.. I am learning to recover and apologize quickly, not just to the person (aka the poor hubby..) that I am having a horrible moment with, but I am also able to apologize to those who witness me.. (Aka my poor angel faces..).

If you are dealing with this same problem I would encourage you to get help, because this is something that CAN be changed!!  This generational curse of rage that has happened in your family for generations can stop with you!  It is possible to be free of your anger.

Here are a couple of resources that have helped me:
And... Yoga. Yes, yoga has helped.  And... Boxing... Because you need to learn to take aggression out in different ways so you don't take it out on your precious family.. Anger and aggression are real emotions that happen in life.. BUT it is up to YOU with how you handle it.

This is a journey I am still on, and I am glad to finally put it out there, because secrets hurt and bring you down from the inside out.

Thanks for reading through this 'commercial': we are all human, we all make mistakes... But the great part if being human is, we have the option of changing and being covered by the blood of Jesus!  And through him we can be set free for good!

End of commercial.  Have a nice day. :D

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Find a Happy Place.

I wish I had nice things to say about this last week, but I don't.  To be honest, I wish this last week never happened.  A giant column of fire could have fallen from the sky and struck me down, and yet, it still would have been a better week.  Well, maybe I am being slightly dramatic...

Water was leaking from the bathtub up stairs onto my kitchen counters and stove... water was pouring in through the front door during the couple of rain storms we had.... water, water every where!  I had a mean person remind me of my extra large, post baby, body size at the store... I am feeling like a hormonal teenager... but no big deal.  I only had a mental break down last week.

We have all had weeks like that.  Weeks when we are pretty sure that we are going to break and things will never get put back together.  Weeks where you want to sit and eat a pound of chocolate every day... Weeks where you are stuck in a valley and are pretty sure you are going to live there forever...  No good, bad, awful, terrible weeks.

Before I knew it another week started and I was still full of stress and anxiety... and there is still a hole in my kitchen ceiling.. which smelled.. and was full of mold... until a wonderful friend came and treated it.  (Thank you friend!)

But, you know how God is, he likes to bless people... even in the midst of our 'suffering.'  This morning my husband ended up having the day off of work.. I don't know about you, but whenever my husband has a surprise day off of work, that is always a good day in my book. ;)

We decided to sneak out this morning and do some hiking and exploring around the agricultural center.  I finally had my 'break' from last week... I was reminded again, that no matter how bad things get, I have still been blessed with three of the biggest blessings in the world: my husband, and two angel faced daughters.  That alone triumphs anything that is no good, bad, awful, and terrible.  I had lost sight of the wonderful and the good.. I could only focus on the bad...

I love my lil' fam-bam, and I love how they can make any place a happy place..

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Sometimes it rains.

This morning my little family and I were headed out the door to go on a hike, when suddenly out of nowhere, water started falling out of the sky. Hard. like someone just knocked over a bucket full of water on accident.  I was looking forward to today all week, so yes, I was disappointed, and so was the hubby.  There was no way I was going to let that toppled, over flowing bucket, falling from the sky ruin my family day.  So we decided to do a couple of things I have been wanting to do for a while...

We made play dough.. purple play dough.  I don't know if my rowdy little toddler has ever played with play dough before.. at least not to my forever fading memory... and I have always wanted to make it... at least I have been wanting to make it for the last year... we all sat in the middle of the kitchen floor making snakes and hand prints for two hours straight.  Though, I am pretty sure my nearly 30 yr old hubby had way more fun than my two year old.  Isn't that why most men have kids? So they can have play time too?  I don't know about you, but I am all about the nap time..

After mommy got tiered of cleaning up play dough messes, the hubby set up the play tent in the living room while I made paleo style pumpkin pancakes.  Probably not my favorite recipe, but they were still good.  For another two hours the house was full of loud giggles and random tickle fights.  We all huddled in the miniature sized tent and stayed in as long as we could stand it. (Well, until nap time, which has its own time slot in our house, for very good reasons of course..)

Today made me remember how precious life is, and how forgiving a family can be.  We as mommies are way too hard on ourselves.  We struggle with trying to be perfect.  The laundry has to be done on time, dishes have to be cleaned, dinner has to be healthy with plenty of green food, you have to be fit, or 'thin' for your own self esteem, we get mad if we accidentally yelled too much one day (mostly due to lack of sleep)...Which all of those things are great things to strive for and to accomplish... BUT.. if a day goes by (or several days) and something doesn't get done... or the husband has to eat left overs in the fridge instead of coming home to a hot meal... FORGIVE yourself...

We need to spend more time loving those that need it most.. and less time worrying about making everything around us perfect.  Life isn't perfect.. You can't control the rain, but time spent with those most precious to you.. now that's perfect.. ;)

I don't ever want a day to go by where I let the rain ruin what is most important to me: the angel faces I live with... so take a break, and go spend time with those you love the most!